The Hank Files: Archive

Hank Year 2 on Dependent Hiatus

Well, jaily hasn’t been updating in a while, and I’ve pretty much lost all momentum on trying to re-edit this. It’s been a fun (albeit short) run, guys. As of today, The Chronicles of Hank have been officially put on dependent hiatus. I may return someday, in some form or another, but it’s doubtful that it will be the same… One thing I can promise, if I come back,...

Apr 6th

Lethal Weapon vs. Dirty Harry

Yes, that’s right. You’re not reading the title wrong. In this post, before your very eyes, I am going to compare Lethal Weapon to Dirty Harry, the film that defined the modern Buddy Cop film genre against the mother of all police thrillers. Why am I doing this, you might ask? Well, around a month ago, I showed Lethal Weapon to Eli (You all remember him, right?), and he was not quite...

Dec 7th

My Picks for the Highlander remake cast

Gerard Butler as Connor MacLeod/Russell Nash Ray Stevenson as The Kurgan/Victor Kruger Christopher Lambert as Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez That’s all I’m saying. That’s all I want.

Dec 7th

Year 2 Not Happening?!

Okay, so I’ll be the first to admit that this title was mostly to draw your attention. If you’re reading this, then it obviously worked. If you’re not, then you can’t see what I’m writing about you, so I get to be as mean and cruel as I want. In fact, I think I’ll start spreading rumors about you, and word will get around that you actually have a full set of...

Nov 16th

Kickstarter - The "Hello, Officer" Data Saviors... →

We’re trying to save my hard drive! Uh… the one with all of the footage to year 2 of Hank through week 4 and all of the “Hello, Officer” footage.

Oct 1st

Glad I Have the Network

So, T-Mobile has decided to institute a text message tax. Something about this… feels, wrong… I remember from my government class that one of the three main factors of sovereign government is the right to tax its citizens… Granted, my ethics professor taught that the only thing that makes a government different from us is its right to use physical violence to enforce its...

Sep 18th

Devil May Cry, and Fans May Want To

In case anyone hasn’t already heard the news, allow me to shed some light on the situation. Yes, Devil May Cry as we know it is over. There will not be a Devil May Cry 5 anytime in the near future. In its place is DmC, a remake of an almost nine-year old franchise. Yes, I did say that the franchise is not even nine years old. There is speculation that fans are not going to be...

Sep 16th

Hank Year 2

Well, it looks like I’m not going to be uploading anything big for a while (possibly not even the most recent slices of life), because my external hard drive is playing dead with me. Hopefully we can Frankenstein it and retrieve everything from it, but you never know. (I really should sort through that stuff anyway.) Regardless, I figured I would tell you all what to expect of this upcoming...

Aug 28th

Flipping Out

So, you guys remember when I told you about the Flip’s virtual indestructibility? Apparently, I was wrong. I put the thing down on my desk, went to bed, and came back the next morning. This Flip video camera that had been undisturbed the whole night through suddenly had a crack in its LCD screen, and not on the glass on the outside, no. The liquid crystal was leaking into the thing. Needless...

Aug 10th

Jul 30th

1 tag

What's the worst show on TV?

If you know me, then you likely know that I absolutely despise It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I don’t understand why people think it’s so funny. It’s just a bunch of people running around and doing things that would normally get them thrown in jail time after time after time. I mean, what kind of show features a main character who buys a foreclosed home, destroys all of...

Jul 30th

Jul 29th

#RoachianNewYears →

Anyone who knows Roachia knows that today, July 9th, is the beginning of the Roachian New Year. If you’re a current or former Roachian or just want to get in on the Roachia action, generate us some #RoachianNewYears tweets before midnight tonight. Let’s see what we can do.

Jul 10th

“This hand of mine glows with an awesome power! Its burning grip tells me to...”

– Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)

Jul 6th

I've Sold Out

So, I’ve actually set up a proper twitter account now. I feel gross, like a two-dollar… well, you know. Unfortunately, after thinking this through, I’ve realized that setting up a proper account makes far too much sense not to do.

Jun 25th

Jun 23rd

So, I've Been Away... Again

Yes, I’ve been away… again. I promise I had a good reason. I’m just not going to tell you guys what it was. I will tell you that my life is much easier now that I’m done with it. I’m currently editing together the third episode of the audio show which I am writing, directing, editing, mixing, and producing. You can see more about it and all of the other audio shows...

Jun 21st

1 tag

what happened to jules's daily vlogs? Can't you...

Believe me, if I could force her to do anything, there would be a big banner advertisement for my show at the top of her channel. As I understand it, she is currently trying to deal with some encoding issues. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 17th

1 tag

If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would...

I would prefer to wake up as me, thank you very much. I have enough trouble figuring out how to run my own life. Why would I want to try to live someone else’s? Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 13th

1 tag

What's one thing you own that you should probably...

Um… yeah… I don’t really think you guys should know about this one. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 13th

1 tag

What's the origin of your name?

You mean Paul? Well, I had a relative whose name was Paul, and so my mom named me after him. If you mean Hank… I’m not allowed to talk about it. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 13th

1 tag

If you could go on a road trip with any person,...

I don’t think I would want to take a dead guy on a road trip with me. First of all, grave-robbing is hard work. Second, it would be gross. Anyway, if I had to only pick one… my friend Nate; we’d have all sorts of wacky adventures. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 13th

1 tag

Do you believe in angels?

Oh, trust me, they exist, and they’re not all as nice as you think. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 13th

1 tag

If you could change your name, what would you...

If I had to, I guess I would change it to Hank. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 12th

1 tag

If you were stranded on a desert island, which one...

I’ll tell you this much, I wouldn’t bring Jules with me. Ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer.

Jun 12th

“I can carry enough for two.” “Can’t we get a couple of ponies...”

– Sam Gamgee and Frodo Baggins Respectively

May 28th

MyLifeIsAverage - Life is pretty normal today →

There’s potential for NSFW in comments section.

May 28th

Watch

Well, it happened. My camera broke again. This time, I decided to visually document what’s wrong with it. On Monday, Eli, Jules and I went out to check out some secret location that Jules really wanted to show me (something about monsters and whatnot). Anyway, while making my way up a slope, I tripped and fell, but I made sure the camera landed in my hand. I checked the camera, and it...

May 26th

F.lux: software to make your life better →

I’m trying it now. It’s supposed to help you sleep better.

May 17th

4 tags

Jules Hates Me (via IM)

Paul Moore: You're going to hate me.
Jules Ismail: I hate you
Jules Ismail: wait
Jules Ismail: was that premature?

May 13th

Apr 25th

12 tags

(Don't) Shake that Pokéwalker!

Hey, I was skimming through youtube, and found a bunch of videos on how to cheat with the new device that comes with Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver: The Pokéwalker. Really? I mean, really? It’s not that hard to use it properly, kids. You transfer your Pokémon to it. You clip it to your pants, you walk around at school with it on, you take it home, you transfer your Pokémon back to the...

Apr 24th

Hitler "Downfall" Parodies Removed from YouTube →

Uh oh.

Apr 23rd

Watch

What do you get when you mix the most successful Massive Multiplayer First-Person Shooter franchise of all time, the most advanced and hilarious machinima crew in the nation, and the most epic independent animator in the world? Awesome. Rooster Teeth (Might be NSFW, I don’t remember anymore.)

Apr 20th

A look at Xbox 360 performance with a USB flash... →

I especially love the list at the end.

Apr 19th

Apr 17th

Watch

Nice.

Apr 16th

Apr 13th

9 tags

The Mason-Monroe Morning Madness

Today, at 4:04 AM, as I was lying comfortably in my bed, I felt a disturbance in the force. It was as though a thousand voices cried out at once. Unlike in Star Wars, however, they were not silenced. At first, I thought my phone was acting up again (it had been all night), and so I turned it off quickly. It was at that moment I realized that nothing that John and I had ever brought into the room...

Apr 9th

Camera's in for Repairs

I expect it to be back in about a month or two. Fortunately, Day 18 is just around the bend, and I promise it’ll be awesome… or at least for you guys.

Mar 20th

The Escapist : Tournament : My 2010 March Mayhem:... →

FILL OUT YOUR BRACKETS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!

Mar 18th

Mar 16th

So, I've Been Away

Sorry about that, guys. I had some… business to attend to. Don’t worry too much about it. I managed to film a good deal of what happened while I was gone. Expect some new episodes of Haaaaaaank! later this week (if I don’t get too side-tracked). In the meantime, go check out what’s new on jaily. There’s a link to it now. It’s right up there near the top. See...

Mar 16th

Feb 27th

8 tags

Professors with no Afternoon Courses are Nice :)

So, I was waiting in line today at Mein Bowl, I was planning on buying Jules some General Tso today to help make up for the fact that I spoiled the ending to Quantum Leap for her. The server came over and asked “what would you like?” Now, thinking that A: He was talking to me and B: I was the first one in line. I promptly placed my order. It then came almost instantly to my attention...

Feb 26th

5 tags

scam (the whole story [via IM])

Jules Ismail: DUDE
Jules Ismail: WE NEEDA GO TO BOSTON MARKET
Paul Moore: ?
Jules Ismail: 2 FREE KIDS MEALS WHEN YOU BUY AT LEAST $6
Paul Moore: ...
Jules Ismail: oh fuck they check if you're under 14
Jules Ismail: nvm
Jules Ismail: you apparently actually have to have two kids with you
Jules Ismail: buuuulllllshiiiitttt
Jules Ismail: scammm
Jules Ismail: ripoff
Paul Moore: wait
Paul Moore: you were just trying to scam them
Paul Moore: and rip them off
Jules Ismail: NO
Jules Ismail: I was tryna get some food
Jules Ismail: stfu paul
Paul Moore: by scamming them

Feb 26th

jailypedia: Declaration of Universe Ownership →

By this logic, I should be the Supreme Sovereign of the Space-Time Continuum.

Feb 24th

ESPN The Magazine - Rick Reilly: An apology to... →

Yes.

Feb 17th

Shudder Island

I’m pretty sure you’ve all seen the trailer for Shutter Island by now. It’s been around for a while now, and it seems so far to be a fairly standard psychological horror film. There’s just one thing I can’t get over, Leonardo Di Caprio’s annoying New Yawkuh accent. The moment he said “we ah dooly appointed Federal Mawshals,” I just lost it. I know...

Feb 14th