Hank Year 2 on Dependent Hiatus

Well, jaily hasn’t been updating in a while, and I’ve pretty much lost all momentum on trying to re-edit this. It’s been a fun (albeit short) run, guys. As of today, The Chronicles of Hank have been officially put on dependent hiatus. I may return someday, in some form or another, but it’s doubtful that it will be the same…

One thing I can promise, if I come back, it’ll be a whole lot more awesome.

-Hank

Lethal Weapon vs. Dirty Harry

Yes, that’s right. You’re not reading the title wrong. In this post, before your very eyes, I am going to compare Lethal Weapon to Dirty Harry, the film that defined the modern Buddy Cop film genre against the mother of all police thrillers. Why am I doing this, you might ask? Well, around a month ago, I showed Lethal Weapon to Eli (You all remember him, right?), and he was not quite as thrilled with it as I expected (and that’s being mild. He hated it, I’m pretty sure). So, he, in turn, recommended I see Dirty Harry. I did, and, to be honest, I didn’t really enjoy it that much. Eli was furious when I told him that I personally enjoyed Lethal Weapon more. I chalked it up to personal preference, but Eli was determined to believe that Dirty Harry was objectively a better film. So, just to irritate Eli even more, I took a step back from both films and asked myself “how can I compare these two films with an objective viewpoint?” So, after rewatching both films and taking hundreds of pages worth of mental notes, here I am, writing this comparison. Sit back and enjoy.

The Heroes
The great thing about these two movies is that they are both, in essence, buddy cop films. They both star a pair of police officers who work together to take down an enemy that neither of them could take down alone. However, the dynamics in these two pairs couldn’t be more different.

In Lethal Weapon, Roger Murtaugh (played by Danny Glover) is a 50-year-old Los Angeles PD detective who is beginning to entertain the idea of retirement. Before he can begin to act on this idea, however, he is teamed up with Detective Martin Riggs (played by Mel Gibson), a much younger detective who had served in the US Army Special Forces during the Vietnam War and has become suicidal because of the death of his wife. Riggs often uses his suicidal tendencies to his advantage, frequently getting closer to criminals than other cops would dare, often at great risk to his own life. In this dynamic, Riggs serves as somewhat of an attack dog with Murtaugh holding the leash.

Meanwhile, in Dirty Harry, San Francisco PD Inspector Harry Callahan establishes himself very quickly as the quintessential loose cannon, easily stepping over the line to destroy those who he sees as evil. Harry is forced into a partnership with Chico Gonzalez, a rookie (and that’s pretty much all the characterization he gets. Way to create some “strong” main characters, guys). Harry asserts very early on that he prefers to work alone, or at least alongside someone who is more experienced, because a lot of his partners tend to get injured (not going to give us a specific example so that we can relate better? Okay, then), so Chico frequently finds himself in the position of chauffeur. Does he complain? Nope, he just sits back and lets Harry do a lot of the real cop work. Then, the one time that Chico comes to save Harry, he gets shot and decides to resign. Well, so much for Chico being important for the rest of the film.

Sorry to say, Eli, but Murtaugh and Riggs beat Harry and Chico on the grounds that they take the vigilantism of Dirty Harry as a foundation and build upon it to make much more exciting characters. Plus, Chico was the blandest sidekick I have ever seen. I’ll take a psychotic suicidal and a soon-to-be-retired detective who wants to play it safe over Mr. Loose Cannon and Mexican white bread any day.

Villains

Now, heroes are great and all, but it really is the villain that makes the movie, and the villains in these two movies once again could not be more different if you put a banana on one’s head and a dinosaur on the other’s (Okay, I have no idea what that means either, it sounded way better in my head).

In Lethal Weapon, our villain is Peter McAllister, former commander of the black ops team “Shadow Company” and the ringleader in a heroin-smuggling operation overseen and executed by his own. In true main villain fashion, McAllister rarely lifts a finger himself, instead electing to leave the execution and defense of his plans to Mr. Joshua, his chief enforcer whose fear of death is as non-existent as Riggs’.

Dirty Harry, on the other hand, features Scorpio, based on the real-life Zodiac killer, Scorpio’s demands and tactics are surprisingly pedestrian. In fact, he is caught no less than four times throughout the course of the movie. Scorpio plays things much closer to the chest, choosing to do everything on his own. Because of this, he has no one to ruin his “convincing” arguments supporting his innocence, but also no one to help him execute his plans. Scorpio does display some psychotic tendencies, but it doesn’t really serve as an interesting plot point but rather as more of an annoyingly cheap way to get him out of jail.

Overall, McAllister has more force, more men, and just flat out more control over what he’s trying to do. Scorpio plays out a lot more like a goon or a minion, taking action into his own hands and coming out on top multiple times solely because of the sheer inability of the cops to think outside the box. Meanwhile, McAllister manages to escape conviction and still do some serious damage even with the cops doing everything in their power to take him down. I’m sorry, Eli, but McAllister takes the cake as the big baddy. Scorpio might have worked better if he was more like Gerard Butler’s character in Law-Abiding Citizen, who managed to kill people on his own even when everyone thinks he’s trapped in a solitary cell in jail. Now that is someone who deserves my fear and respect as a main villain.

Story

Admittedly, this is where Dirty Harry does somewhat manage to outdo Lethal Weapon. Lethal Weapon almost totally banks on the occurrence of a sequel to resolve pretty much everything except the main plot. Meanwhile, Dirty Harry brings some sense of conclusion to everything by the end of the film. Whether this is a good thing or not is up to opinion, but what it means to me is that Dirty Harry is a better film story-wise while Lethal Weapon as a franchise has a more impressive overarching story. Also, and I’ll give this one to Eli, Lethal Weapon does tend to rely on coincidences. So, since we’re comparing film to film, Dirty Harry wins this one.

The Scene

If you have never seen either of these films, then I recommend you check them both out before reading this section and form an opinion for yourselves. They are both really well-made films, and both of them have earned their places in popular culture.

Now, for the two scenes in the films that bear a striking resemblance to each other, the suicide attempt scenes. Both times, these scenes are somewhat non-sequiturs, and both times, they serve mainly to establish what type of characters the titular characters are.

In Lethal Weapon, Riggs quickly ascends to the roof after discovering that the department’s psychologist was not expected for some time. He is quick to mention that he at least needs to pretend to care in order to look good for his boss and that he doesn’t really care that much about the jumper. This confuses the man and sort of puts him off-guard, allowing Riggs to get closer to him. Riggs gradually works his way to being able to calm the man down enough to offer him a cigarette. After finally getting close enough, he handcuffs himself to the man and takes the man, kicking and screaming, off the ledge onto the giant air cushion, thus controlling the circumstances of the jump. Following this, Riggs explains to Murtaugh that the only thing that keeps him from killing himself is the job.

In Dirty Harry, Harry takes about three minutes to get to the rooftop. While this gets an “A” for realism, it gets an “F” for NOT HAVING ANYTHING AT ALL HAPPEN DURING THIS SHOT. I looked away no less than three times and didn’t miss a thing. This wouldn’t be so painful if it wasn’t a three-minute-long shot. Anyway, moving on from this, Dirty Harry also takes no time in establishing that he doesn’t care about the jumper. For some reason, rather than confusing the jumper, it infuriates him. In fact, it infuriates him so much that he leaps at Harry who then takes him down to safety. He then explains that he’s called “Dirty Harry” because he gets all the bad jobs.

This just isn’t realistic in my mind. It doesn’t seem like quite enough to get him that mad. It just sort of comes out of no where. Lethal Weapon wins this one.

Final Determination

Eli is more than welcome to post a point-by-point rebuttal, and I will likely be making a video to enhance this review, but my overall decision is that Lethal Weapon is the superior film. It has more interesting characters, more intimidating villains, and more sensible dialogue. See y’all next time.

My Picks for the Highlander remake cast

Gerard Butler as Connor MacLeod/Russell Nash

Ray Stevenson as The Kurgan/Victor Kruger

Christopher Lambert as Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez

That’s all I’m saying. That’s all I want.

Year 2 Not Happening?!

Okay, so I’ll be the first to admit that this title was mostly to draw your attention. If you’re reading this, then it obviously worked. If you’re not, then you can’t see what I’m writing about you, so I get to be as mean and cruel as I want. In fact, I think I’ll start spreading rumors about you, and word will get around that you actually have a full set of teeth under one of your armpits, and all of the other kids will make fun of you, and they won’t let you sit next to them at lunch, and they’ll call you horrible names like “Toothpit”, and they’ll ask you cruel questions like “Do you have a tongue between your legs, too?”

Uh…

Not that I would know about that sort of thing. I was the most popular kid in school.

Right… Popular…

Anyway, about the title, it’s not entirely accurate. I will still be releasing footage that I’ve recorded, but in a slightly different manner, due to many different complications. Rather than posting videos by week, I will be posting a smaller number of compilation videos featuring all of the most interesting and essential moments of the year up to this point. This will probably be happening over the course of Winter Break, that’s from December 21st through January 23rd. If I haven’t done anything in that time, expect a message from me here. Afterwards, all I will be posting to HankOccasionally will be more Slices of Life (and oh boy will there be more) and Bonus Videos.

That’s all for now. I think I’m going to be posting a comparison of Dirty Harry to Lethal Weapon pretty soon, just to annoy Eli.

Glad I Have the Network

So, T-Mobile has decided to institute a text message tax.

Something about this… feels, wrong…

I remember from my government class that one of the three main factors of sovereign government is the right to tax its citizens…

Granted, my ethics professor taught that the only thing that makes a government different from us is its right to use physical violence to enforce its rules.

Nevertheless, does T-Mobile think of itself as a government now? Look, guys. You’re not a government. You don’t have the right to tax companies. You will lose customers, and you will lose more customers than you gain revenue.

Let me explain this to you people at T-Mobile: You are the fourth most popular cellular network in the nation. Even Sprint is running a good 10 million customers ahead of you. Now, why is this? You’re phones suck, you’re service sucks, and your prices suck. Granted, your customer service has been highly rated, but that’s not going to save you. It hasn’t saved you yet, has it? Pretty soon, you’re going to be behind MetroPCS (The mongoose people!). You cannot afford to press extra charges against third-party companies right now. If anything, you need to invite third-party companies to employ some exclusive features with your phones. Instead of charging ChaCha for helping people through your network, why don’t you integrate ChaCha into your phones? Sell a ChaCha membership with a service plan.

Honestly, I’m pretty sure that even a small child could understand that losing customers means that you need to make your service more desirable, not that you need to charge more.

Devil May Cry, and Fans May Want To

In case anyone hasn’t already heard the news, allow me to shed some light on the situation.

Yes, Devil May Cry as we know it is over.

There will not be a Devil May Cry 5 anytime in the near future.

In its place is DmC, a remake of an almost nine-year old franchise. Yes, I did say that the franchise is not even nine years old.

There is speculation that fans are not going to be happy…

No, I’m serious. The fan reaction so far is so bad that it is even mentioned in the Wikipedia page for the game. Take a look.

See? Talk about bad press.

Now, I’m no Devil May Cry diehard, but after seeing the trailer, I’m convinced that they’re at least going to try to do Dante justice. Whether or not they’ll succeed is debatable.

For now, chew this around a bit: Why would Capcom feel the need to “revitalize” the series. Maybe all y’all nerds are to blame.

Hank Year 2

Well, it looks like I’m not going to be uploading anything big for a while (possibly not even the most recent slices of life), because my external hard drive is playing dead with me. Hopefully we can Frankenstein it and retrieve everything from it, but you never know. (I really should sort through that stuff anyway.) Regardless, I figured I would tell you all what to expect of this upcoming year.

I will be separating videos by weeks rather than by days. This allows me to have more content per episode without having the weird things from last year.

I will be recording every week. That means that there will be content for every week of this filming year. I will not skip a week ever. If I end up in a hospital, I’m just going to have to sneak the Flip in with me (or the Kodak Playsport if I ever purchase it. It would probably survive better in my cavity… Just thinking ahead. Hopefully, that will never have to happen.)

The show will no longer be called Haaaaaaank! I always thought that it was sort of silly, and I don’t even know why I did that anymore. Haaaaaaank! is going to remain as the first year’s name. Hank will be the title for the second year. The entire series, including both the first and second years as well as any future years, is to be referred to as The Chronicles of Hank from now on. You can still call it whatever you want, but just keep in mind the official titles. I think that’s about it for now. If I think of anything else to tell you guys, I’ll be sure to do so.

Flipping Out

So, you guys remember when I told you about the Flip’s virtual indestructibility? Apparently, I was wrong. I put the thing down on my desk, went to bed, and came back the next morning. This Flip video camera that had been undisturbed the whole night through suddenly had a crack in its LCD screen, and not on the glass on the outside, no. The liquid crystal was leaking into the thing. Needless to say, I was not happy when I noticed this. So, I gave Flip Support a little call and they told me to send it to them and that it would cost me $29.99 plus shipping. I boxed it up and shipped it through FedEx, and that’s all I’m going to tell you all until the Flip is safely back in my possession.

Okay, now that the Flip is back with me, here we go.

It turns out that the whole thing actually cost me $79.99 PLUS what it cost for me to ship it there. Then, there was a whole mess with FedEx that I won’t get into because it was a one-time screw-up and they usually are very good. Following that, I had to wait a week for the processing period (which I was never told about. I was told that they would send me a replacement as soon as they had mine.) Keep in mind that I was never told about this processing period, not once. I was in contact with no less than four different Flip Support employees and every time, I was told that a new Flip would be shipped as soon as they received mine. Only when I called AFTER they had received it did they tell me that, for some reason, they had to PROCESS it. I was not told how long this processing period would take. I was simply told to wait for my new Flip. Granted, I did receive it, but a week’s unexpected delay is not something I can forgive easily.

If my Flip breaks again, I’m getting a Kodak Playsport.